Another Story

THE REVENGE OF THE ONION__
Dear Humanoid Animal-Thing, I am the onion in your fridge. Yeah, you ought ta remember me? On Monday, you picked me out personally, from a pile of other onions__at the supermarket. You picked up and then rejected three of my friends,for bruises, dents and mushy bits; then you picked me up....took a good,long look at me...smiled and put me in your cart. Right there in yourshopping cart, is where it started...discrimination, prejudice, snobbery.The slab of marbled cheddar cursed at me; its voice muffledthrough the shrink-wrap. An avocado sniffed in contempt, then rolledaway and hid behind a box of Shredded Wheat. I was instantlyunpopular. But we onions know all along that we will be treated thatway. My Mom warned me. But as long as we were together in our ownsafe place...in the fields, in the harvest baskets, even in the binat the supermarket...we presented a united front. Then you camealong, you twerp. You singled me out and took me to your home, plunkingme down into the egg-tray of your fridge. I no longer had the companyof my own kind. But it still wasn't too bad. The eggs didn't seemto mind me living in their space, and the other foods were polite,most of them were, anyhow. Then, you did it. You took me out of thefridge, cut a big honking slice off me (I watched you dice it foryour spaghetti sauce)...then stuck me back on the egg-traywith no cling wrap or anything! Now, I'm BARE!! Not to mention, COLD!!The rest of the foods all hate me because I smell, too. Now the cheesesmells like me. The celery smells like me. My scent has saturatedthe skin on your pudding...and the pudding HATES me for it! Pudding never FORGIVES! NEVER! Everyone knows that! The potatoes and Ihave simply gone to war. They release chemicals that make me rot faster.Oh yeah, well, I SHOWED them! I released chemicals that make THEMrot faster. HA! We're all in trouble here - we're all doomed, andit's all YOUR fault. BUT I'LL GET MY REVENGE!! You've forgotten about me, I can tell...You should have put me in the vegetablecrisper, but NO, you were too lazy to bend over, so you stuck mehere on the fridge door, and thanks to the biological warfare ofthose stupid potatoes, I'm ROTTING here! I'm gonna turn into a soggylump of ONION skin and STINKY juice...I'll have my revengeagainst you, AND your snobby avocados! And YOU are the one who'll haveto CLEAN UP THE MESS!! So THERE! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA....--------------------- ~The Onion__